Living Single.

One of the great benefits to being both a bachelor and a wanna-be interiors designer is that your living space becomes a canvas--just for you!

I have over the past year been building, moving, rearranging, acquiring, scavenging, WHATEV--to get my place the way I want it. I am finally like, 98% there.






Designing a living space is incredibly fun, especially if you are as psychotically obsessive as I am. The first thing I needed to do was determine how much work was allowed to go into this. I rent, and the current plan is to be here for another year or so, so painting was really out of the question. Not so much because of the work in returning things to normal once I move out, but it just seemed like such a BIG thing to do for such a short period of time. Now that I think of it, I should have painted immediately when I moved in. Two+ years living in a space is worth the comfort, right? But now I have waited a year, and I cannot justify it. I digress.

So! Since I couldn't (didn't wanna) paint, I resorted to using color in other areas. The most obvious among them being large paintings, bedding, seating, and decorative items. I initially came into this with yellow chartreuse, chocolate brown, and a hint of orange/rust thrown in for fun. It TURNED IN TO rust and chocolate brown with the chartreuse as an accent...and later, EFFING DEEP TEAL BLUE!?? I HATE blue! I really do! I could NEVER use blue in my personal spaces. I dunno..It is such a cool color, and I think it throws off my chi or some shit like that. I don't know. You can tell that I adore the warm hues...definitely.



SO this teal took me by surprise. I didn't have any idea where it came from. It's a warm teal, however. Largely green with a twist of lime and a hint of age. (Look, I HAVE to describe colors like this. Blue isn't just blue, any more than red is just red. But I'll try to keep it in control. Haha.) And THEN I realized what had happened over the year.

THIS!




This fabric slipped into my life, via an awesome little estate sale. I had about 2 yards of it. At the time, I didn't really think about what I had found. But a month or two passed, and I became obsessed with it. The truth is, EVERYTHING in my home has become accessory to THIS ONE PATTERN. The colors are pretty much directly from it, and the feel of my tchotchkes and whatnot. Everything draws inspiration from this little piece of awesome that I found.

The problem? IT WAS ONLY TWO YARDS! So I'm basically out of it. And I will never ever find it again. I have looked. I looked in Natchitoches. I looked in Shreveport. I looked in New York Effin City. It no longer exists. But I continue to lurk the yard sales every Saturday just to check. If anyone has any leads, LET ME KNOW!

It has gotten so bad that I have used it for other things as well. My artwork, my artist leave-behind, MY OFFICE! AAUGH! Lol. It' just...so cool.





Also I hate green.

The next thing you are probably wondering about is a little addition I like to call Francis. Francis is a taxidermy 8-point buck that I found IN GOODWILL. Since I was like, age 11, I have wanted one. I am only just remembering this, but my grandmother had this really awful mounted squirrel...I used to play with it. Not like, GI Joe play with it, but like...I used to feel its fur, and wonder about who it used to be. Sure it was mildly creepy, but I was happy.



It also is sort of the culmination of my appreciation for all things obnoxiously masculine. It's obviously a tongue-in-cheek symbol of me, the biggest 'mo in all the land, and how I enjoy a life in which I am connected to my "machine-guns-chop-saws-hammer-sweat-steel-toe" side, just as much as I connect with my "nail-polish-drag-show-lady-gaga-glitter-n-stickers" side. To feature this animal head among pear-flavored jelly beans (that match!), faux orange orchids, a frame collage, and a big ass rusty couch is a decision that could only make sense if I were the one to make it.

Speaking of big ass couches. My couch is BIG! Too big. I built it earlier this summer, maybe a couple of months ago. I knew what I wanted, and I really did MAKE what I wanted. It just turns out that what I wanted isn't what made the most sense. SO, I have gone back to the drawing board, and I plan to (in the next week or so) disassemble this couch, and make a few adjustments to it (shortening the sides and the back, essentially.) It IS comfortable, I kid you not. But the scale of it just makes it look massive in my tiny apartment.



The couch is not the only thing I have made. I built my coffee table (this is the second, actually), I of course did the paintings and all that, I made my pillows (some from that kickass fabric), and I made my curtains. One of the first things I made is the headboard on my bed. It has been painted to look and feel like really dense dark wood. A part of me wants to slap a big white ampersand about a third over on it (in Neutra Bold, of course) BUT! We will see.

So! This is where I live. It is cozy and fun and totally me. Come over some time.

Hair.

I cut my hair. Yesterday. It is sort of a big deal. For my non-black friends, this will be a learning experience. Haha.

I have relaxed my hair since the end of high school. Basically, using a chemical process, I straighten my hair and then style it, etc. As the hair grows, I have to touch up the new growth, just like when you dye your hair. It's essentially the opposite of perming, which is funny, because a lot of people still CALL it a"perm."

You can imagine that this process over the years can be kind of tiring. Sure, my hair might look really cool (haha)...but eventually the hair itself becomes damaged and blah blah blah. SO! Every other year I just kinda whack it off and start fresh again.




I've had my hair in its natural state before (really kinky curly. Some would call it "nappy" but that has such a negative connotation.) But...I think I am going to keep it this way. At least for one year. I have never just grown my hair out curly. Not for a while anyway. Before I began to straighten my hair, I just wore a shaved head.

WHY DOES THIS MATTER?

My hair is kind of...I dunno. It's part of who I am. People are used to seeing me with my straightened hair, and I guess it is sort of unique (name 2 other black guys with straightened hair styled like a white boy. Go ahead. I'll wait.) So I am deviating from that for a while. I'm sure few will notice, but it has the potential to affect my confidence and the way I dress and see myself until I am comfortable with it. I literally can't get dressed and feel the same any more.

It's sort of exciting. I feel more masculine. It's inexplicable I know. I want to have this guy's hair eventually:




Yeah. I guess I kinda gotta work on looking cool too. At any rate, it will be nice to not have to sleep with scarves and wraps on my head, I can get wet and sweat whenever I want (I see workouts in my future!) and all of those things. It will be much easier not having to plan out an extra two or three hours to make sure my hair is drying properly, etc. It really is a LOT of work to keep it all together. BUT...I've never seen my hair, like, REALLY seen it. So I think it is all worth it. I've already decided...but I have to continue to look forward to it, and not get caught up in growing the length of it. It will be healthy and awesome! It will just take some time. For now, I'm stuck with this.

2 Hearts

Love is a sick and ugly thing. I know this. I have felt it a few times...each time a different way. That's the thing with love...It is as indefinable as Art. Your love may be different from my love. You may require a different set of rules for your love than I do. And the cool thing, also the bad thing, is that there is no one who can regulate what is love and what isn't. If you feel love, you know it. You just do. It may not STAY love, but I for one prefer to think that it is in each of us...and maybe we get a taste if it every now and then...like a bud deep in our chest. Conditions for blooming may appear proper at first, and you start to experience the warmth and the rapture of it...But I think that the petals can close once those conditions fade away. I think that this is perfectly natural. The thing to remember is that they will open again when the correct time comes along. Those of us who are lucky will get to experience what life is like when that flower can find no reason to close away again.

I know..metaphors about love and flowers...wtf. I don't know. A recent situation in my life has me being all reflective and appreciative that I have at least felt the start of love before.You have to be able to appreciate the valuable things in life like this. Regardless of how a love may end, appreciate the fact that you had it, because so many others don't get to.

I think I had love...or, at least it started to be that true deep love, last year. But...I knew deep inside of me that it wasn't ready to be love yet. I don't mean like, brother-love or sister-love...I mean like, marriage-love-you-forever-and-ever even-when-you-have-diarrhea-love. It takes a lot to get to that point--right? Maybe? I don't know. Who does.

Anyway, I got scared of whatever it was...and I listened to my gut even though I didn't really understand...and it was a very tough thing to do. It was a hard situation for a long time. Both of us came out on the other end of that situation better and stronger than ever.

I cannot say that I am ready to try for love again...in fact, I would rather leave it alone for some time...to collect myself and realign my ideas about it all. So, the weird thing is that sometimes it hurts. The idea that you maybe weren't good enough for love...or that your fears about love were more intense than anything else. There may have been some jealousy in there too--who doesn't want happiness and a friend and partner and lovebug and cuddle buddy!? BUT...Those who know themselves well enough, they just KNOW when the time is right to try again, and when there are other blocks in the way that have to be removed first.

I guess I am ready to start demolition. It will take a while, but I will get there. And there is no rush...never should be a rush to get to love. But...I will acknowledge (in secrecy) the small but building excitement waaay in the back of my heart. It waits. Maybe for a year. Maybe for 5 years...but I know that it will continue to wait for me.


Kylie Minogue - 2 Hearts [HQ]
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Popsicles.

Summer in Louisiana is NOT a joke. It has been extremely hot, humid, and disgusting. I suppose it has effected my mood in ways I am beginning to notice. I have been crabby, bitchy even. Not myself. The weather, mixed with a lot of other feelings and blah blah blah...I need to remind myself of who I am. I let this blog go a little, but I am realizing that it will be a wonderful way for me to filter out more of my thoughts.

This is really a hello. A reintroduction to my blog if you will. I didn't quite get it off the ground before. I concentrated too much on structuring it instead of letting it flow a bit more freely from myself. No more!

So I'm back.

One thing always make me feel a little better. Popsicles. They really give you a little kick of yummy cold goodness. It kinda takes me back to when I was a kid. Go have a popsicle right now. Put a smile on your face and relaaaax. Back soon.