It's Martha, Bitch! Vol. 4, 5, and 6!

So ZOMG. It has been such a long time. Like, 3 or 4 whole weeks. Or so. But I PROMISE you, it were not my fault.
The past few weeks have been pretty crazy in relationship to baking. I have hit some all time lows, and ended with a wonderful high (which I will discuss further down!) I betrayed Martha, and I came running back to her like a dog with fondant between his legs. Well, let's get to it.



1. Martha Blondies!
So. Martha spoke to me in a dream, and coming off of the high of my fabulous Back To Blackcakes, I was happy to oblige. I wanted to do a tribute to Lucille Ball, being that it would have been her one hundredth birthday recently. I wanted to do something yummy and vanilla based, so I flipped to Martha's Blondies recipe. I wanted to do these polka-dot blue and white cups with fiery orange 7-Minute Buttercream icing. The buttercream came out a little weird, I guess. I have never made one before, so I didn't really know what to expect. It just felt and tasted much more buttery/oily than I expected. It was light, but just sort of...slick. I dunno. The color was really great though. Unfortunately, I didn't get to use it.

The cupcakes came out of the oven, and the decorative cups I had baked them in had all turned brown and ugly. I threw them in the fridge to cool them off...and well, I left them in for about 30 minutes. BAD IDEA! They were hard as rocks when I took them out, and the wrappers were all stuck firmly to the cakes. AAARGh! I poped them in the oven, which was off but still pretty warm inside. After about 10 minutes of that, I pulled them back out and let them cool on the stove. I think I was trying to cool them quickly so that I could ice them, and take them to a friend. That didn't really work out.


Having been re-warmed and cooled again properly, they returned to their appropriate texture and softness. These things had butterscotch pieces in them, along with something else I can't seem to remember...and they were TERRIBLY SWEET. I mean, they were delicious! But after one half of one, my teeth jumped out and ran away. There was NO WAY I was adding the super sweet buttercream icing to that. I resigned to make a different, plain ol' vanilla cupcake. I thought that maybe trying a different recipe source would be a good idea, as Martha didn't seem to have anything just plain ol' plain. Duhn - dun- duuuunnnn!

2. The Betrayal - Plain Ol' Vanilla Cupcakes!
I found Amy Sedaris' recipe for vanilla cupcakes online through a Google search. I though, WEll, Amy Sedaris is sort of the anti-Martha, so this all works great. Let me tell you, I LOVE Amy Sedaris. If you havent seen THIS yet, you need to watch!

She is just amazing when it comes to being tacky as hell and incredibly entertaining at the same time. Unfortunately, I got her recipe wrong. I wanted to try adding vanilla pudding to the recipe ( I heard it would make them moist and yummy!) and I may have added too much. They came out fine, but were sort of bland altogether, and a little dense. We ate them for breakfast, but no decorating occurred.

3. Judas Strikes Again! - Chocolate Banana Heaven or The Oven Killer
Once again, thinking that Martha's recipes were just too much for me, I strayed and found this recipe for Chocolate Banana cupcakes, for which I had planned to make a Nutella buttercream frosting. Amazing, right? Besides, how would Martha know? I had some old bananas that needed to be used, and didn't feel like making bread again, so this was a great alternative.
Well, I got the recipe mixed, filled my cups, and noticed that THIS WAS THE BEST I HAD EVER MADE SO FAR!! I also noticed the strong distinctive smell of gas. Lots of gas. Trey noticed it in the living room too. This was while I was preheating the over, so I let it go for another couple of minutes (thinking that it was just paranoia) and the smell continued.
Trying DESPERATELY to get these bitches cooked, I threw them in the oven, and after 10 minutes turned it off with them in it. I was sort of hoping it would stay hot enough inside to bake, without causing our death from a gas leak.
WHY WOULD I BE SO RISKY you ask!? I wanted my damn cupcakes!! Also, there was a gas leak. SO I was probably just going crazy.

Needless to say, the cakes only baked halfway by the time I had called the gas company and we had evacuated the house. I nearly cried! They looked like they were going to really be perfect. Into the garbage they went, however. The gas guy came and turned off the gas to the stove and said it needed to be checked out. Urrgh.



4. Redemption - Martha's Chocolate Cupcakes
During the couple of weeks of waiting for stove repair/replacement, I received several gumpaste tools from Amazon and picked up a few more from Michael's. I think I am REALLY getting the hang of this junk! I got a nice mat for rolling stuff and I have ordered a Silpat for trying sugar and chocolate work. I saw recently that some people are JUST cake decorators, which is great. They don't have to know all the baking stuff as much. I though that maybe I was more destined for that, but truly, I want to do it all. I want to be good at baking as well as decorating. Mind you, my degree is in Design, so food science is not really second nature for me yet. I just have a joy for it, I suppose.

Trey's parents came to visit this weekend, and I had promised them cupcakes a while back. I flipped around in Martha's book and found a good old chocolate recipe. The decor called from gumdrops, but I was like "Martha, please." The cakes came out WONDERFUL (Did you know that you have to use different tools for measuring liquid and dry goods? Apparently a lot of people don't. Or Trey was trying not to shame me for not knowing.) I think this may be the reason that all my cakes have been...well, off. I call these Demon Cakes, for Northwestern State University of course!

SO my oven was working again, my cupcakes were moist and delicious (lol!), and no one suffered from permanent brain damage. I really plan to do something with that raspberry-rosewater junk I made again...i think it really will be excellent. We will see where Martha takes me next. Meanwhile, OMG check her out!! Supa-flyyyyyy!!


"Mothaaah," BIIITCH!!

It's Martha, Bitch! Vol. 3

It's Martha, BIIIICTH! And this week we made a VERY SPECIAL variation of Martha Stewart's Brown Sugar Pound Cakes.

The recipe is very simple--some flour, brown sugar, butter, eggs, baking soda, and buttermilk. Pretty ordinary. However, in dedication to the tragic (though unfortunately, not unexpected) death of one of the most wonderful singers of our time, I dub this week's recipe "Back To Blackcakes."



Inspired by Amy Winehouse's black pile of a beehive and her notorious attitude and demeanor, I added a bit of spiced rum and powdered ginger to this recipe, and to make it extra special, I added a (TINY) kick of chili powder to the chocolate frosting. To top it all off, I made cigarette butts out of gum paste and, in true Amy fashion, stuck them right in the top. I imagine that this is what we would see had a tray of cupcakes been left too near her reach after a night of...um...rehearsing.

These were SO much fun to make. I planned them all week. I was especially excited about making something out of the gum paste again. I rolled it out, let it set up for about 30 minutes or so, and then cut them into the proper lengths. I then squished them a little, as if they had been put out. The fun part was the paint. I achieved the color and coverage by mixing my gel colors with vodka (whoo!) and using it like regular paint. After a little testing, I had the right mix and they came out looking awesome. Toothpicks and a block of foam helped keep them upright for drying (I made them the day before and kept them in the fridge until I was ready to ice.)





I used a "hair" tip this time around, thinking that it would look like her hair, without adding too much frosting volume (I see those folks on Cupcake Wars go home for disproportionate frosting...not me!) and it worked alright. I think in the future, should Amy Winehouse ever die again, I will use a small block of cake or something in the center to build around, to help raise the beehive shape up taller.

Overall I was VERY happy with these, and I really think that the world will miss this great talented woman who, I feel, probably just needed a mic, a good friend, and a shoulder to cry on.

It's Martha, Bitch! Vol. 2

Hey y'all! This week I attempted Martha's raspberry cheesecake recipe for my cupcakes. This particular cupcake doesn't call for any frosting, because the top of the cake is supposed to be sooo pretty (all red and white swirliness.)
Let me tell you all, this recipe gave me hell.

It's basically a mini cheesecake with a graham cracker crust, and a raspberry swirl. I had Greek food this past weekend, and I finally bought some Rose Water (my new favorite thing EVAAAR!). I added a tiny bit to my pureed raspberries...holy crap it was so awesome. Incredibly fragrant, and the flavors married wonderfully. Take that Martha! I jazzed up your recipe!

I also made her whipped cream frosting for these...just because I thought it would look and taste nice.



First, the recipe called for me to cook them "until set", or like, 22 minutes. I guess I didn't really know what "set" meant when I pulled them out, because it was a tad bit early. I put them in the fridge to cool for 4 hours. These instructions confused the HELL out of me--there is definitely a word missing in that part. It's understandable...it's not like Martha has time to beat the living daylights out of EVERY person on her staff for ridiculous mistakes like typos and omissions!

Anywho, Trey and I figured that out, and came to the conclusion that the cakes needed to be baked for a bit longer. They were not firming up like they needed to. After a few more minutes in the oven, they got to the proper firmness, and then I cooled them again.

Ultimately, these guys were super rich and super dense, and though they tasted alright, I could have added a bit more of the raspberry to each one. Maybe I will try these again another day!

It's Martha, Bitch!

Hello Bloggoverse!
I know, do NOT even point your cranky finger at me "Laaarrie! It's been almost a WHOLE DANG YEAR since you last blogged!" I KNOW this, man. Here is what you need to know to get caught up:


1. Awesome boyfriend/partner/homedude--whatever you wanna call him. He is the best. Look at how big his head is. LOVE that guy.


2. New Hizzle. Rent hizzle, actually. I thought I was going to buy a house in the recent past, but turns out that just relocating to a bigger place (for not hardly any extra money a month) was smarter for the time being. Still cleaning, decorating, and luxuriating the place, but it's primo.


3. Job is AWESOME! Still teaching at NSU, and it gets better each year. Recently finished NSU Art Camps (for the like, 4th year or so? Hell I dunno.) These kids rock, and they threw me a birthday party last month. Hope you didn't miss it.


4. Labertha's Brief Return! She came out (haha...) and judged the annual SAI Lady Of The Night pageant (complete with Patrick Nagel-inspired poster designed by moi!). She even sang the national anthem! Buy her album, you lying bitches! Sales do not seem to reflect what some of y'all keep telling me...


5. I got some new ink, y'all! I heard this Natasha Beddingfield song while I was driving one day and well...I'm a big crybaby...and thought, "Every story in life should end this way." So I committed to making that happen. The video is not as to-the-point as it seems at first, so watch all the way through. Twice. Check it!

So, yeah-you should be all caught up! I will fill in the blanks as we go (in future blogs.) ANYWAY, the point of THIS blog is to tell you all about what I am taking on NOW.

MARTHA!

I am venturing on a new weekly task! I got this awesome book called Martha Stewart Cupcakes.

I plan to bake one of her recipes each week (a la Julie and Julia)! It's gonna be "Larrie and Martha, Bitch!" Why "Martha Bitch!"? Well, check this out.

Here is the first result of this baking interest I have developed (thank you, Cupcake Wars, Master Chef, and Food Network Challenge. DVR is a bitch.) These are Snickerdoodle cucpakes with gum paste buttons and finished with cinnamon-sugar dust. Yummers!

Tune in next time kids! I don't know which I am making next, but you may see cupcakes the next time you see me!

THE Leslie Hall - A Night Of Enchantment

What could be better than a surprise visit for the one you love AT a concert with THE Leslie Hall? I submit that NOTHING is better.

Leslie Hall is an amazingly hilarious performer, probably best known for her Gem Sweaters and Gold Pants. If you have not yet seen "Tight Pants/Body Rolls," I suggest you do so NOW.




I was going to be unable to go to her concert in B.R., which was originally on Wednesday of this past week, but it got moved to Thursday. Me, being crafty as a fox, took this as an opportunity to see the master at work AND surprise the boyfriend (oh yeah, I have one of those now...more on that later!) as he had planned to be there.

The concert was at the Here Today, Gone Tomorrow Thrift Store in Baton Rouge. I was hoping it would be a small venue (more Leslie Hall time for ME!) and it turned out to be just that. There was me, Trey, a couple of his friends, a few hippie-ish folks, some stranded Gaga fans, and a really...uh...unique opening act. They were...loud.

The store's performance area was pretty cool. They had decked out the walls with some select gem sweaters. It was precious. It turned out that Leslie Hall herself had been lurking around the whole time--she wasn't hard to miss because there weren't more than 50 people there. She was pretty normal in jeans and a cool shirt--a lot thinner than I thought she would be, actually. But I saw her eyes...and I kneeew... Trey pointed out that it was in fact her. I tried not to gush...but I was so excited ya know?

We ended up approaching her as she set up her swag table. I told her I was a little emotional because I was a very big fan. She patted me on the back to help me hold back tears. Lol. We were totally joking around, but the three of us seemed to have kind of this natural humor between us. Yeah I know...I met her like, one-half time. But she just seemed so totally cool...like someone I would hang out with on a normal basis. Trey and I both had that to say about her.

Before Leslie started her set, Trey's friend Alli had bought one of the decorative sweaters from the store for herself, but had Trey wear it for the evening. More on that in a second.



And then LESLIE HALL APPEARED! Fully dressed and decked out as the "Leslie Hall" character we know so well.



The show was amazing and HILARIOUS. She really integrated a lot of video and improvisation into her set (albeit a shortened set). It was totally exhilarating.
Towards the end of the show, she asked a few of the bejeweled men in the audience to come forward for a dance contest. I screamed at her to pick Trey, who was quickly putting his hot sweater back on, and after she asked me if it was okay to borrow him, she snagged him up. Trey, along with two others, had to dance with Leslie for an unknown reward.







Trey, clearly being the most awesome dancer on stage, won by a very evocative landslide. He and Leslie made sweet sweet magic on the floor, with dancing that featured page turning, window washing, and various other domestic motions. She was all into it. His reward? A name for his sweater. YES!





She officially dubbed his rescued gem sweater "Parlor Mittens Lebanese Satchel."

After she ended the show, we got a pic with her, she signed some stuff, and I vowed to her that I would email her and tell her more about Labertha Jenkins, who I suspect would LOVE a collaboration with Ms. Hall...I suppose we will see where it goes next!
All in all, I had one of the most EXCITING nights of my life, and the COOLEST t-shirt and ink pen combo to prove it. Meeting Leslie Hall was like meeting Oprah for me. Haha. I just adore her...and being able to do so as a surprise for Trey made it so much nicer.

For more photos, check out this.

Perler Beads are ADDICTIVE!

I got a hold of a butt ton of Perler Beads (Fusion Fun, etc. There are several brands.) And these things are SOOOO much fun. It has been taking up a lot of my office hours lately. If you check www.deviantart.com, you will find some pretty epic work - things like portraits and large, complex illustrations by some people with a LOT of time on their hands.



Aren't these adorable? I'm really gravitating towards computer-related content. The floppys are just great to me. And I love the broken image icon. Any suggestions? I want to do some really unique stuff. The deviant site is INUNDATED with Nintendo and Pokemon works. I did make a gold coin, to hang in my car...but I was thinking more along Scott Pilgrim. I'm trying to steer clear of Mario haha. It's just too easy.

Who Is Labertha Jenkins?

Who is this bitch!?
Labertha Purell (yes, like the hand sanitizer) Jenkins is...well...many things. She is, contrary to popular belief, NOT a drag persona, but a female persona. I portray her as a real woman, and not so much like a guy dressed as a woman. She is a hard-rapping, burger-slamming, plate crushing chick from the hood. She is first and foremost a musical performer and food enthusiast.

Labertha sort of manifested herself first when I was in high school. Back then, she represented the large vocal black women in my life. She was older, religious, and fatter. She was a choir singer (who wore her robe relentlessly), and she would pretty much take any song and make it 10 minutes longer with her "musical stylings." I mostly represented her in drawings.

Around my freshman year of college, Labertha had transformed into a slightly younger and tackier version of her former self. She was more of a standup act at this point. Through theatre, which was my major at the time, I brought her to the stage a couple of times in really bad/funny performances of comedy and music. I had written a song or two so far, but didn't really know where it was going to go. By this time I had grown a beard which, for personal and dermatological reasons, I hated shaving off. So Labertha PERFORMING was becoming a nuisance. She quietly slid away into the shadows for a few years.




Labertha was brought back after a break for a pageant that I and my fraternity brothers participated in. She won! She was still a bit more conservative at the time, but definitely younger. The following year, Labertha was asked to host the pageant. The year after that, Labertha co-hosted the pageant once again with the pageants previous winner.

By this time, I had been writing songs for her left and right. I still didn't have much time to fit her into my life, but people were expecting her--all the time. Somehow, she had been given her own identity and had garnered her own reputation. It was just so funny, because I had no desire to dress like a woman, or be a drag queen--but Labertha was just TOO much fun to write for. It was all about this angry black woman who had a love affair with food. It was during my writing that I discovered she was a culmination of my mother, various women from my neighborhood, Wanda Wayne (as portrayed by Jaime Fox on In Living Color), and many many more women and people in my life. I began work on an official album.




After about 2 years of writing, creating, working, and procrastinating, I finally am finished with a 13-track music album. I think that all the waiting will be worth it. Labertha is a part of me that I cannot refuse anymore. She is there when I need a laugh desperately. She is there when I need to feel stronger, or more aggressive. I never really thought of her as more than a persona, but truly, she has been there all along inside me. That doesn't mean I'm going to start dressing like her, or acting like her! But...it is just nice to know that she has my back.

I plan to release the album on iTunes within the next month, so stay tuned!